Turns out that the old childhood saying, "Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" is really a load of crap. Words do hurt. What we choose to say & put out into the world is a reflection of what we believe, what we think, what we feel. I really wish that people would choose their words a bit more thoughtfully.
I am talking about the word "retard"... or "retarded, tard, sp-ed, riding the short bus, etc."... all words that people use freely and without much thought in our culture to mean "stupid". I know, I know... it's a free country with freedom of speech... of course you have the right to say whatever you want. I used to say it... usually about myself, or a situation, never about another person. But then Quinn came into our lives. And made us start to think about what people really mean when using that word. That the diagnosis of "mental retardation" appeared on some of the forms we have had to fill out. The realization of what that word means in our society, or more accurately, what people really mean when they say it.
It always seems to go down this way... on a day when we are really proud of some new accomplishment or progress that Quinn has made... you hear a kid say it at the park, or a teenager on his cel phone, or a grown woman at the grocery store, or amongst your friends on Facebook. Doesn't really matter the source. It stings every time. And hits hard the fact that no matter how much progress we make in our own little world, there is still a big world out there that thinks otherwise.
So we thicken our skins, toughen-up & pick our battles. So far, when we have pointed this out to friends & family along the way, most are really thankful to have a new perspective on it. One response we sometimes get is, "but I didn't mean it about Quinn" or "I don't think of him that way". But here's the thing... Quinn is in a special education class. He does learn things more slowly. If he rode the bus to school, it would be the small one. See where I'm going with this? My new response is to say, "oh, did you mean one of his classmates?"
I don't have all the answers. I am not perfect. I am not the language police and will not hate you if you decide to use this word. All I ask is that you take the time to think about what you are saying. About what you really mean to say. To think about how you would feel in our situation. Kids can be tough with each other, but as adults I think we all have a responsibility to teach kindness in every area. Kindness, acceptance, respect... things we all benefit from practicing every day.
Day six. STILL ALIVE.
10 hours ago